Saturday, February 16, 2013

Guest Post from Marnie Baranuik from Touched by A.J. Aalto

Guest Post from Marnie Baranuik from Touched by A.J. Aalto

“In Retrospect”
A Psychic’s Quickie Guide To Not Screwing Up An FBI Investigation
By Marnie Baranuik
1. DO NOT have unintentional sex with your FBI agent, especially not in a roach motel in Buffalo. Making out during a stake-out is also not recommended, even if he’s a sexy jerk with the body of a god who smells really yummy. If you absolutely must do him, try to keep your knees together until after the case closes.
2. DO NOT trust an old lady to make you tea, even if she looks like your grandmother when she smiles. Her tea might be caffeine-free, but sometimes it ain’t roofie-free.
3. NEVER raise the dead by accident in front of their family. Boy, do they overreact.
4. ALWAYS count your newt eyeballs.  They don’t reproduce on their own in the jar like amoebas. If you had a dozen at midnight, in the morning you shouldn’t have fourteen. Also: carrying eyeballs in a Ziploc bag in your pocket can lead to serious problems (see warning #3).
5. DO NOT choose an author who mucks up colloquial phrases (ex. “all of the sudden”) or uses bad spoonerisms like “bitchwhipped that pistol” and then publishes them with abandon.  This kind of author will not hesitate to put you in all sorts of ridiculous circumstances, have nonsense spout from your mouth, and toss conflict at you without any idea how to write you out of your problems. (Ps. That studly FBI agent will notice you’re a total spaz.  

Get "Touched, Book One of the Marnie Baranuik Files" for your Kindle .
Nefarious acts by the Super-villain on a Leash at AJ Aalto.
Connect with AJ on Facebook or Twitter. Then maybe have your head examined, kookpie.

About the Book:

The media has nicknames for Marnie Baranuik, though she’d rather they didn’t; twice-Touched by the Blue Sense, a rare dual-talented psychic with a doctorate in preternatural biology and a working knowledge of the dark arts, she was considered without peer in the psychic community.
Her first big FBI case ended with a bullet in one shoulder and a chip on the other, a queasy heart and a serial killer in the wind, leaving her a public flop and a private wreck. When the FBI’s preternatural crimes unit tracks her down at her remote mountain lodge in Ten Springs, Colorado for her insight on a local case, she isn’t particularly eager to stick her neck out again, but her quiet retirement is promptly besieged by a stab-happy starlet, a rampaging ghoul, and a vampire hunting jackass in tight Wranglers. Marnie figures the only real mystery is which one will kill her first.
Too mean to die young, backed up by friends in cold places, and running with a mouth as demure as a cannon’s blast, Marnie Baranuik is about to discover that there’s no such thing as quitting time when you’re Touched.

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